I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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