Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
