I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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