I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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