Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
