i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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