We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
