Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
