You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
