i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you win again, gameday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
