Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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