Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
