she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
