he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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