1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
