I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
