Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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