Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
