what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
