he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
