I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
