I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
