hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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