Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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