Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
