I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
