We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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