She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
