I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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