Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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