About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
