I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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