A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
