I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
