I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
