shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
