weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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