I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
