i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
