She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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