made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
