i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
