If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
