so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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