You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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