need another drink. this is the easiest way
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
