I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
