i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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