Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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