oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
