I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
