Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
