Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
