We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
