I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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